Presidents Should Shit in Toilets Like the Rest of Us.

CLEVELAND - Beginning the fourth year of an unpopular war, President Bush defended his Iraq record on Monday against skeptical questioning. He said he could "understand people being disheartened" but appealed to Americans to look beyond the bloodshed and see signs of progress.

Half of me understands this. Often times, it is completely necessary to hurt the ones you love. Like that time that cunt wife of yours left the grits on the stove so you had to head butt in the face. That's just like Iraq only without the violent insurgents with AK-47s and sand all over the place.

The other half of me is completely apathetic. I don't care right now. I'd rather be playing Fight Night Round 3 while figuring out how I can masturbate to internet porn at the same time. It can be done and I intend to perfect it. Iraq doesn't further my x-box boxing ability nor does it give me any sexual healing. It's actually pretty depressing. I smoke pot to forget depression. That's my foreign policy.

The last half of me thinks that this President would take a shit on an apple pie. Then he'd tell people to not look at the shit, and that they should just enjoy the apple pie. That's disgusting. People that shit on food are disgusting. I do not want a President that shits on food. Some people may argue that he's shitting freedom turds onto the Iraqi toilet and that Iraq is not a food. You people are correct. Iraq is not food. It's a country. Why can't the President just shit in a toilet like normal people? I beg you Mr. President, please use a toilet. We don't want those god damn Commies from China thinking we have some nut bag that shits on foods all the time running our show. Fuck that. Fuck them.